Worth

"If you have something to say to me, than just say it." she utters, unable to shake off the feeling of deja vu. Sick and tired of a world filled with misunderstandings from people that all of sudden matter when they really never mattered before.

The feeling is mutual to say the least. They will never call her just to call or strike up a conversation about a topic she can easily relate to. She got used to this idea a long time ago and let it slide as it has several times in her life. They will never include her on the email blasts or evites to God knows where and with whom. No surprise there since she'll hear about it through word of mouth and somehow find her way in. It's not because they're cruel, but because it has never been like that in the handful of years she has known them. Is she bitter? Maybe, but it was just something that would one day pass and neither party would pay much attention to it later anyway.

So, why should it even be worth thinking about now? Well, here's the deja vu. When she was 16-years old, all she ever thought about was being liked by other girls; to be what any normal teenage girl wanted to be: popular. She let it consume her.

It all started with a picture and it led to 2 full years of competitive bullshit for a friendship that didn't even exist to begin with. But teenage girls can be devious little bitches, can't they? And rather than talking it out and "clearing the air," they simply isolated the odd one out and made everything a popularity contest. And in the end, even the friends she once had, left her too. So what was it all worth?

Years later, she finds herself with another group of girls. A group she didn't create, but was formed around her. A group that is by far different from her and yet they somehow make it work to keep the circle well...a circle. She found a friend hidden in the mix and things seemed fine for the most part, but somewhere down the road, it got a lil' rocky. Cliques started to form and she suddenly felt like she was 16 again.

At first, it didn't bug her. I mean, dating best friends didn't mean they had to become best friends. After a while, she started to realize that what she may have missed in her teen years she could possibly gain back as an adult: the fun.

Once the positivity of having "girl friends" came flooding back, she was left with nothing more than a dinky raft with a gaping hole to support her. What she thought she had, she didn't. Girls still smile in your face and stab you in the back. Girls still pick out your flaws and gossip to others about what they think they know about you. Girls want more people to side with them even if it means pushing those that did nothing wrong down. Some girls can still be devious little bitches.

So how does she fix it? Is it even her problem to fix? She wants to nip it in the bud, but unfortunately life is never that simple, is it? People love a good fight. She's been there, done that. Often times, women bicker over the silliest things but never resolve anything because we are stubborn and figure there are other women out there to befriend. It isn't really a difficult conversation to have, but most women would rather treat it like high school and shut down. She's not like most women. She no longer consumes herself with the idea of being popular. She's old enough to know better. She's wondering if the others will learn to just confront it and see where they end up.