Mother

Four plus years ago a woman found herself lost between two worlds: One in which she was trying to work out and the other she never really had to begin with. But as the days grew to weeks and weeks grew to months it became quite clear that she'd have to come clean and admit something that would change everything.

First, it was the brownish tone of the skin that made others suspicious. Then the soft curls of hair started to form. Suddenly, the questions came down on her conscience like a waterfall. She knew she wouldn't be able to hide it much longer.

On the fourth month, she decided to come up for air to tell the truth no matter what it cost her. She may not have realized it then, but it would drown out both worlds that she floated so freely in for the last three years...

It was heartbreaking to say the least to imagine one fall to pieces with a single blow, "It's not yours after all."

It was even more devastating to find the other (happy and utterly clueless), hand-in-hand with someone other than her, standing in front of a department store parking lot. And as she flipped through the album filled with pictures, she couldn't help but wonder how something so small could resemble both of their faces.

It took guts to struggle with right and wrong. It took absolute humility to take on both worlds head on to fix something that broke apart in what seemed like forever ago. But what would it matter in the end if no world would stand by her side?

Except...the only one that she was attempting to build in her mind, somewhere deep down in her confused heart.

The first few years were a mess. Money troubles, separate living spaces, final goodbyes, and not to mention having to go through the motions day in and day out constantly having to remind herself that this was supposed to be for the better; that this was the right thing to do (even though she did not quite see it yet).

She lost a lot along the way. The fighting was endless that at one point she probably even forgot who she was fighting with in the first place. But she definitely remembered who she was fighting for.

She couldn't stop what she started. She couldn't turn back the hands of time and make it tick in her favor. All she could do was push forward. In desperation, she tried to take the next steps without any real means to back her up. She realized half-way in that she was going to need some help, but rather than ask for it she made others pay for it. And so the bickering continued...

She found herself in a world she had never visited before or at least not in a while. A world without a job, without a home to call her own, and without someone holding her and telling her that she wouldn't have to go through this alone.

So she screams...
And so she cries...
And so she sits and dwells on this reality she now lives in.
Making attempts to run away without ever really letting go.

But she definitely remembers who she is fighting for.

Why can't she see that this was never a team effort to begin with?
That she does not need to hold any one's hand when she has a little one holding onto her?
And that this has and will always be a single battle that she can conquer as long as she remembers, "This is not for the worlds I once knew, but for a world I wish to give to my son."